I'm not going to lie...this is a tough post to write. I am officially done breastfeeding Kendall, who is almost 14 months, and the last few days have been very emotional for me. Her last nursing session was Friday morning - January 15, 2016 to be exact. I wanted to write this post now while the emotions are still raw, so that it can be a very real post.
This breastfeeding experience was completely polar opposite of my first time around with Avery. With Avery I had no idea what to expect. I planned to breastfeed her for a year, and I had no idea that it wouldn't be so easy. Long story short, I only ended up nursing her for 14 weeks because she was dairy/soy intolerant, and I tried to eliminate those from my diet for eight weeks, but was never successful. After struggling with her digestion problems for two months, we tried Similac Alimentum formula, and it was a miracle for her. She was a newer, happy baby, and her digestion issues were solved almost immediately. I stopped breastfeeding her pretty easily, and never looked back because it seemed I was doing more harm than good in her case. I occasionally felt sadness because I didn't succeed in my goal of breastfeeding her for a year, but I realized you can't control every circumstance, and the most important thing is a healthy baby.
Because of my experience with Avery, I wasn't sure what to expect while I was pregnant with Kendall. I wanted that second chance to try and breastfeed for a year, but I also knew that it wasn't the end of the world when we switched Avery to formula. I did have a lot more confidence that I would at least be able to breastfeed Kendall for some amount of time; I just felt unsure of how long that time would be.
I remember feeding Kendall for the first time in the hospital right after she was born. I was very appreciative of our breastfeeding bond, and somewhat fearful that it wouldn't last, so I really took in each moment. Her latch was a little painful, but I thought it would get better on its own. (It did eventually get better - but after some position changing and extensive latching research haha.) Luckily, although I did experience a little pain in the beginning, her nursing sessions were very quick, and my main goal was to keep her awake to get a full tummy each time!
If you are expecting, and planning to breastfeed - take note - Kendall fed from my right side first, and although I tried to have her feed from both sides equally, it was tough in those first few days because of how sleepy she was. Breastfeeding frequently in the first few days really determines your supply for the entire duration, and I always produced a lot more milk on my right side than on my left side. Even now, after just a few days of trying to "dry up," my left side is about done, and my right side is still producing a significant amount.
Our breastfeeding journey had many ups and downs along the way. The first six months were more difficult than the second half (7 months) but overall we had a great experience. We were able to get into a routine more easily this time around, and I was lucky that Kendall would only nurse for 5-10 minutes at a time. I never fed her more than 8-9 times a day, and even though she was breastfed, she was sleeping mostly through the night (8-9 hours) consistently by 8-9 weeks. That makes things a LOT easier. I also didn't have too many worries that she wasn't getting enough, or any of those fears that new moms typically have...maybe because it was my second time around.
I wanted her to be able to take a bottle of pumped milk on occasion, and so I introduced the bottle to her pretty early on...within her first two weeks of life. She honestly didn't fight it, but she didn't drink very much from a bottle either. I pumped enough for her to drink from a bottle about once a week...for about the first 5-6 months. It wasn't a ton, but it was enough that over time she eventually would drink from a bottle if I wasn't around. I pumped less frequently in the second half of the year, with almost no pumping after 9 months. She ate a decent amount of foods by then, and she would go much longer between nursing sessions, making it easier for me to leave, and not having to worry about someone giving her a bottle.
I learned pretty early on that if I wanted to have her latch without pain, I had to sit in a chair with back support (or a pillow behind my back) and I had to sit up straight with good posture. I was not one of the lucky moms who could nurse anywhere with Kendall, comfortably, even in my own home. I always sat in one of two chairs to nurse her, and for the entire 13 1/2 months I very rarely nursed her anywhere else. Because of that fact, I rarely nursed in public, because it was tough to get her into a good position in a chair I was uncomfortable in, and also it was difficult with a cover. Because we stuck to a pretty solid schedule, I was still able to make outings between her naps and nursing sessions. To me, working within a baby's scheduling limits is par for the course for a baby's first year. Of course there were times when I had to nurse her in public while we were out for the whole day, or on a vacation, and we made it work.
By about 3 months, we got into a pretty good groove, and I was proud of our breastfeeding success at that point. I started running again, and then ran into a common breastfeeding problem - clogged ducts. It took some time to figure out what was causing them, but they occurred pretty regularly from the time she was three to six months old. It was very discouraging, but my sister dealt with something similar, and told me to hang on because they wouldn't continue forever. The thing that helped the most with my clogged ducts was a lecithin supplement. I also stopped running temporarily. For some reason, I could continue with other workouts, but running seemed to trigger them. Around six months, I was able to start running again, and never had any more issues with clogged ducts.
Here we are in one of our favorite chairs, right after a nursing session,
when Kendall was 6 months old.
The way I breastfed her changed as time progressed. For the first three or four months, I would only feed her on one side for each nursing session, and switch sides throughout the day. When she started acting like she was hungrier more often, I decided to offer her both sides at each nursing session to see if she would drink more and extend out the time in between, so that I wasn't nursing her so frequently. That seemed to work, and we continued that way for the rest of the time. We did have a few times where she would want to switch back and forth after just a few seconds, but we got through it by keeping a calm environment, with as little distraction as possible while she was nursing.
After introducing her to solids at six months old, and getting her down to two naps, we went from 7-8 nursing sessions a day, to about 4-5 nursing sessions by 9 months old. I nursed her in the morning, before each nap, and before bedtime for several months. I haven't experienced pain, clogged ducts, engorgement, or really any problems, and I am glad that I was able to experience the "easy" aspect of breastfeeding for the last several months. I cherished those moments with her, and honestly spent time just watching her and trying to memorize everything about our time together.
When she was between 10 and 11 months old, I introduced whole milk to her in a sippy cup, just after dinner. That's earlier than the recommendation, but since she was still nursing, I figured a few ounces a day wouldn't hurt. It took her about 2 months to actually drink a significant amount of milk from her sippy cup, but it was nice not to have to rush things. We easily made it to her birthday in November, and I continued nursing her 3-4 times a day through Christmas. Between Christmas and New Year's, I decided to drop her nursing sessions before naps and bedtime, and Travis was home for that week, so he was able to help me out by putting her down for a few naps and bedtime. By New Year's Day, I was down to one daily feeding first thing in the morning.
I know that I could have kept this up for a longer period of time if I had truly wanted to, but Travis and I planned a trip to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic for next week to celebrate our 10-year anniversary, which was actually this past September. We've been planning to do a big trip for this anniversary for several years, but I didn't want to go while I was still breastfeeding because I didn't want to have to worry about pumping on this trip. I just want to be able to relax and get back to myself. After nursing her for just once a day for two weeks, I made the decision to completely wean this past weekend. I wanted to give myself a little time before our trip to make sure that my body would adjust before we leave. Travis woke up with her Saturday and Sunday and gave her milk, and she was perfectly happy. I am pretty sure that it's been harder for me than for her, but I have been trying to give her some extra cuddles and hugs just to make sure she knows we can still have close bond.
At this point we are not planning on having any more children, and it's hitting me hard that I no longer have a baby. My emotions have been all over the place since I started weaning at the end of December. I think weaning is hard for moms (like me) for several reasons. Not only are you changing your routine, and "breaking your bond" (even though your head is telling you your aren't) but also your body's hormones are physically changing to stop the milk production. It helped that we took Avery to Disney on Ice on Sunday, and had a fabulous time, and I know we have many things to look forward to as Kendall and Avery get older. It's very reassuring to see that there is more than one way to bond with your children. I am looking at this entire experience as just one of the first of many great things that I'll get to enjoy as a mom.
I'm really looking forward to our trip next week. I am hoping to come home ready refreshed, and ready for life with a preschooler and a toddler.
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